The Phrases from A Father That Helped Us as a First-Time Dad

"In my view I was merely just surviving for a year."

Former reality TV star Ryan Libbey expected to handle the demands of being a father.

However the truth quickly proved to be "very different" to his expectations.

Serious health problems around the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was pushed into becoming her chief support in addition to looking after their infant son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, every change… each outing. The duty of both parents," Ryan explained.

Following 11 months he burnt out. It was a talk with his parent, on a park bench, that led him to understand he needed help.

The simple statement "You aren't in a good spot. You need support. In what way can I assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His experience is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. Although the public is now more comfortable addressing the stress on mothers and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties new fathers go through.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his struggles are part of a wider inability to talk among men, who still hold onto negative perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the fortress that just gets smashed and remains standing every time."

"It is not a show of weakness to seek help. I didn't do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men frequently refuse to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not justified to be seeking help" - most notably in front of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental well-being is vitally important to the household.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the chance to ask for a break - spending a couple of days away, separate from the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He understood he required a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's emotions alongside the practical tasks of caring for a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has changed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son better understand the language of emotion and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen was without stable male guidance. Even with having an "amazing" bond with his dad, long-standing emotional pain caused his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says repressing emotions led him to make "poor actions" when younger to change how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as an escape from the anguish.

"You gravitate to things that aren't helpful," he explains. "They can temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will in the end make things worse."

Advice for Managing as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - when you are overwhelmed, speak to a trusted person, your partner or a therapist how you're feeling. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the pursuits that allowed you to feel like yourself before having a baby. This might be going for a run, socialising or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - nutritious food, physical activity and where possible, sleep, all contribute in how your mental state is doing.
• Spend time with other first-time fathers - sharing their stories, the difficult parts, as well as the positive moments, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Know that asking for help is not failure - prioritising you is the most effective way you can support your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the death, having had no contact with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead give the safety and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - processing the feelings safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they acknowledged their struggles, altered how they communicate, and learned to control themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, at times I think my purpose is to instruct and tell you what to do, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am discovering as much as you are through this experience."